One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest Part 2
by LonelyAquarian
Summary: How the gang copes with Harry and Peter's Nuptials
1. 4 Months Later

**4 Months Later**

"Great." Peter says happily, walking through the front door with his fiancé. "Nobody's home yet."

"I can't believe it. I seriously can't believe that no one is home." Harry replies, moving towards the couch so that they can sit. "This is the first time since we got engaged four months ago, that we've had a moment alone in this house." He says, leaning in to kiss Peter.

"Well, let's not waste it." Peter tells him. Before he gets a chance to get down on his knees, Eddie takes a picture of the lovebirds and Peter groans, burying his head between Harry's legs.

"I just love watching you two kids kiss." Eddie says, looking at his screen, standing in the hallway. "It's so beautiful to see. He loves you, Tiger. He really loves you." Peter lifts his head up and rolls his eyes at Eddie's words.

"Listen, Osborn, I want you to know I don't feel like I'm losing a friend or a family member. I feel like I'm gaining a total sucker. Brother! I meant brother!" Smirked Eddie. "Where the fuck did that come from? Oh, the mind, huh? I can't wait to be your cousin-in-law."

"Oh, you are delightful, Ed." Harry says sarcastically.

"Trust me, Osborn, you are such a gem." He says. "Here. Get yourself a girl tonight." Eddie whispers in Harry's ear pulling out a roll of dollar bills. "We'll understand."

"Eddie, please." Peter says exasperatedly. "We're trying to have a private moment."

"Private, please. What's private? I've seen every part of your naked body where we were little kids."

"Yeah, but you haven't seen a naked Harry before." Challenged Peter.

"Well, in this moment, I'd like to. After all, I am a switch hitter." Eddie says, with a smirk on face. Harry shakes his head in disbelief. "Ah, listen to me. I'm as giddy as a 15-year-old boy again." He says exiting the living room.

"Honey, I'm glad you're okay with Eddie, coming to live with us in New York. I really think she'd be a little lost without me, plus we're very close. I don't know what we'd do without each other, and we're only cousins."

"It's my pleasure, Petey." Harry reassures Peter with a hug. "I can see how close the two of you are. I can also see how close you are to Gwen and Mary Jane."

"Well, I can honestly say that we've all learned a lot from each other. I mean, Eddie taught me life does not have to be boring because you've surpassed the age of 21." Peter states.

"That's a great outlook."

"And I've become much more comfortable with my sexuality because of MJ. I'm sorry I have to say this my love, but she's really the town slut. She's probably known as the Magic Carpet of Miami."

"I can't argue with that!" Harry laughs. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"And Gwen has taught me..." Peter gets stumped with this analogy. "Gwen has taught me-"

"Babe, it's not important." Harry says trying to kiss Peter.

"No, wait, no, I can do this. Trust me. Now, Gwen has taught me-"

"Let it go." He says, moving his hands to unbutton Peter's shirt.

"I need some time with this." Peter says, giving up on what Gwen has taught him. "Anyway, because of them I feel that I'm ready to love you." He says before kissing Harry passionately. "A square knot!" Peter finally says, pulling away from Harry's lips. "Gwen taught me how to tie a square knot." He repeats triumphantly and Harry laughs.

"Well, I am glad somebody taught you how to do this." He says, moving his hands to Peter's button and zipper, but they are interrupted again. This time, Harry and Peter both groan in annoyance and in anger.

"Dammit, Eddie! Go away!"

"Yeah, beat it, Eddie! You heard what my almost husband said!"

"What? I just love to watch you two kiss and finally getting physical with each other." Eddie says, knowing that he's being a pest on purpose." Besides, the last picture was a little blurry." He says, but Peter looks at him like he's about to hurt Eddie.

"Alright, alright! I enjoy being a pest! Besides, it was hard to tell who was who. No offense, tiger." Eddie says cheekily.

"Tiger, huh?" He smiles a little bit, standing up from the couch rearranging his clothes. "Nobody's called me that since my college days. I'll see you at the alter, my love." Harry says, kissing Peter.

"Bye, Har-bear. Sleep well."

"Night, babe. Night, Eddie." He says, leaving through the front door.

"You know," Eddie sighs. "I think he's just nuts enough to actually turn up at the wedding tomorrow." Eddie says cheekily.

Peter glares at him hard for five long seconds. "You're a furry, horny, little gnome, and we feed you too much. He finally says, before standing up from the floor.

"Oh, Peter, good, you're here." MJ says, coming in from the kitchen.

"Where were the two of you to keep this clown away from Harry and I?"

"We just came from the mall. We needed to get shoes for your wedding tomorrow." Gwen says.

"Listen, um, well, this is going to be our final night together here, and, well, we thought- Gwen and I both thought that it might be our last chance to say-"

"No, don't say it. Don't say goodbye. This is not goodbye. I don't want to turn this into a sad thing the night before I get married. I couldn't handle that right now."

"Me, neither." Pipes Gwen. "I promised myself I wasn't going to cry. I'm going to laugh instead." Gwen starts laughing, but ends up crying.

"Well, now to be honest, it is a little difficult for me too, Peter. I mean, everything happened so fast. My God!" MJ suddenly exclaims, making the other three jump. "You and Harry probably haven't even slept together yet!"

"Oh please, MJ. Now don't be ridiculous. I mean, I know he's your cousin, but you have to realize that we're both adults and capable of a caring, warm relationship." He says seriously, walking towards his bedroom.

"How was the sex?" Gwen inquires.

"SO GOOD, WE ACTUALLY _**NAMED**_ IT!" Peter shouts from the hallway.


	2. The Three Muskuteers

**Later That Night**

"I thought I might find you out here." MJ says, finding Gwen sitting in one of the chairs in the backyard. "You okay, Gwen?"

"I couldn't sleep." She shrugs sadly. "I'm just I'm just so fucking mad at Peter." She sighs. "I mean, he won't let us say goodbye, and I'm sorry, but I need to. Especially to you. I know that I have my own sisters, but you're like, the best sister I've ever had."

"I know what you mean, Gwen, but you know what? Peter's not here right now." She says sitting in the chair next to Gwen.

"Yeah."

"And if he was, what's the worst thing he could do to us?"

"Right."

"Can he intimidate us with his knowledge in Chemistry and English? Could he physically harm us? Can he make life a miserable hell for the two of us?"

"MJ, he can do all those things." Gwen says in realization.

"I know it." "MJ concedes. "Oh, how I know it. But, oh, I'm gonna miss you, honey." She says, crying.

"Oh, I'm gonna miss you, MJ."

"Oh, Gwen, I'm gonna miss you."

"Hey, I just love to watch you two-Whoa! What is this? Sexy, role play, story time sessions? Nighttime escapades?" Eddie says in a flirtatious tone, wagging his eyebrows.

"Oh, Eddie, stop that. Stop that right now!" MJ snaps tearfully, wiping away her tears.

"Oh, Eddie, I'm glad you're here. You know that I'm moving in with Anna tomorrow, after the wedding of course, and in a way, I'm gonna be the Eddie of that household. And- Well, how do you do it?"

"So, you wanna be Eddie 2.0?" Eddie asks Gwen and she nods her head. He takes a seat next to MJ.

"Okay. Lesson one: Criticism. I think it makes little children stronger. It also makes them self-conscious, which I think is funnier." MJ laughs at Eddie's words of wisdom.

"Okay, you're talking to your loved ones, complete this sentence: "I'm tired of spending time with you miserable:"

 **A.** Wieners.  
 **B.** Bottom feeders.  
 **C.** Twerps.

"Hmmm..." Gwen thinks. "I'll go with Twerps."

"Twerps." MJ repeats.

"Alright. The correct answer is..." Eddie drum rolls. " !"

"Yes!" Gwen says, clapping her hands together.

"Yes!" MJ exclaims. "This is fun!"

"No! I can't do this. There's no way I can do this. Oh, this isn't who I am." Gwen says dejectedly. "You're Eddie for goodness sakes. I don't know if you've realizes this, but you can speak your mind because you know you're needed around here. But Anna has her own family. I- I'll just be baggage there."

"I know a place where you're needed." Eddie says.

"Where?"

"Here." MJ says in realization with a smile on her face. "Gwen, oh, stay with me, honey. You're practically my family."

"Oh, MJ, that's very nice of you, but you're gonna want to get on with your own life. I mean, you'll want to find a relationship. One that'll actually stick."

"I want my best friend right here with me! I need you in my life, Gwen."

"You need each other." Eddie says in a serious tone. Stay, Gwen. This is your family now." He reassures the women."

"Well, we do have a lot in common." Gwen says.

"Yeah! You're both natural brunettes." Eddie teases. "Come on, get some rest! Tomorrow's a big day for our little Tiger."

"Thank you so much, Eddie." Gwen says getting up from her seat.

"Thank you, Eddie." MJ says, hugging Eddie.

"Good night." Gwen says, hugging Eddie. Both women leave arm in arm, entering the house. Eddie simply sighs and looks at the picture on his phone. "Goodbye, my sisters. Now, what embarrassing caption can I put to shame these two hussies before posing this on Instagram?" He asks himself.


	3. Candid Moment

**Peter's Wedding Day**

"Oh, Peter!" Exclaimed Gwen when she saw him coming out of his room. "Look at you mister. Oh, you're beyond handsome!"

"Thanks, Gwen!" He tells her when he's reached the living room.

"Oh, Tiger, look at you. I'm gonna miss your smart ass." Eddie says, hugging Peter. "But to tell you the truth, I was hoping you'd use one of my tuxedos."

"That's nice, Ed. As what? The old town jackass?"

"Hey!" Eddie says with a disgusted look on his face. "I resent that!"

"Don't forget, those are the exact words on most of your tuxedos when you have those _"sexy, role play, story time sessions"_ of yours." Peter smirks and Eddie laughs.

"You've got me there, Pete." And MJ laughs at Eddie's statement. Suddenly, a horn starts blowing from outside. Gwen opens the door.

"Oh, Peter! You won't believe this! There's a limousine out front."

"Oh, Harry must've sent it." Peter exclaims, looking out the door. "Oh, he's so romantic. I fucking love that man so much. Oh, but, Eddie wait! I haven't finished packing." He says in realization. "What are we-"

"Stop panicking, Pete. Don't worry about it. You'll come back later and pack." Eddie reassures him.

"Yeah, relax, Peter. If I didn't know you, I would say that you're carrying on like a twerp." Gwen giggles just as Peter is about to step outside.

"I can't believe this, Eddie." He says turning around to look at his cousin. "You've been coaching her, haven't you?" Peter says in a deadpan tone, shaking his head before leaving the house.


	4. In The Limo

**In The Limo**

"Ah, I love this, I absolutely love this." Peter sighs. "This is SO sweet of my Har-bear to do this. I love him so much. I guess he wanted to make sure I got to the church on time. Oh, what a darling." He says, but he notices that the limo driver misses the shortcut.

"Actually, I think I think Maple is quicker." Peter tells the limo driver, but he's ignored. "This heads out to the expressway." But the drover still ignores Peter.

"Driver? Driver, you're headed for the expressway. Why don't you turn around? Driver. Driver, stop." Peter says, but the driver still ignores Peter and turns right down a residential street.

"Driver, I said stop!" Peter demands. "Driver, who the hell do you think you are?" Peter angrily snaps and Max turns around and looks at Peter who's sitting in the back of the limo.

"Max, what the fuck are you doing?" Peter asks him, while Flash is pulling over. "Have you lost your goddamn mind? You're ruining the biggest fucking day of my life!" Peter says who's now on the verge of tears.

"Please, Peter. I have something to say." Max says. "You're getting married and you couldn't send an invitation to Flash Thompson? The man who almost gave you his damn last name?"

"I'm sorry." Peter says nonchalantly. "The list was coordinated by people who were highly important to us. But if it makes you feel any better, then this will cheer you up. The Matthew's aren't speaking to me, either." Peter deadpans.

"That's cool."

"Max, what the hell do you want from me?"

"I just want to show you something." Max says, noticing Peter's annoyed tone. "Peter, you see this hair? It is the only one on my forehead. The other traitors fell out a couple years ago after we broke up, but this proud and loyal sprout clings desperately. It is unrelenting. It is true."

"What about it?" He asks Max, suspiciously.

"Pete, it is this hair that I hate more than all the others. Ever since we broke up, and I bleached it almost every week, it mocks me."

"You're psychotic!"

"Because I'm nearly bald?"

"Because you're kidnapping me, you dumb fuck!"

"I'm not kidnapping you." He reassures Peter. "I'm taking you to church, in style."

"You- you are?" Asks a shocked Peter.

"That's right, Peter. This is my gift to you, you know- for cheating on you repeatedly throughout those five years. Anyway, I just wanted a minute alone with you to give my blessings. To show I care." He says. "I mean, Peter, don't you see? I am that hair." He tells Peter, showing him the lone strand of hair on his head. "And you're my big, crazy, bald skull. I may give you some reason to resent me-" He says. Peter looks at him with a look that screams "Really."

"Ok, you hate me, but you cannot shake me. I am loyal."

"Max, you can wear a toupee for the next 38 years long for all I care."

"Don't mess with my metaphor." Flash says.

"All right, Max, the truth." Peter says, moving from his spot in the limo, close to the partition. "Things have been going so well with Harry that I didn't want to deal with you. Honestly, I never want to deal with you ever again. But, as Freud said, our beds are crowded." Peter shrugs, with a tiny, sad smile on his face. "When I sleep with Harry, I-I'm not alone. There's this phantom of you there, and he has the haunts of his prior relationships, and, well, I-I can't pretend you're not a part of me. Like Mariah Carey said in her song _Always Be My Baby_ , you'll always be a part of me."

"So, what are you saying, you slept with this guy?" Max asks and Peter looks at with a deadpan look, for about twenty seconds.

"God dammit, Max, you're missing my point. WE NAMED IT!" He says loudly, with a huge grin on his face. "Anyway, what I'm saying is thank you. Max, for the first time in a long while, you're really acting like a respectable, grown man." He says, reaching through the partition, patting Flash's shoulder.

"I love you, Peter. Even though I know that you don't care anymore, I've always loved you." Flash says, with a small smile on his face.

"And I love that peaceful part of you, Max." Peter tells him, before he yanks Flash's obey strand of hair. "Now drive." Peter says in a monotone voice.

"Ok." Max says painfully, rubbing his head.

"I got a man waiting at the alter for me!" Peter says excitedly, and Max resumes driving.

_Get me to the church on time….._


	5. At The Wedding

**At The Church**

Peter is now waking down the aisle with his Aunt May and Uncle Ben, while the Bridal March Plays.

 _'I can't believe it.'_ Peter thinks. 'This is for me. _The guy who has always had bad luck dating. Me! The guy who everyone dogs out because of my nerdy looks and lack of social skills. They're all standing for me.'_

"We're almost there, my boy." Uncle Ben says, but Peter doesn't even realize that his uncle just spoke.

 _'My good friends. Oh, God, I wonder what they're thinking.'_

"My baby's getting married." Aunt May says, voice thick with emotions.

 _'This is too much. I'm overcome. I'm about to cry. I can't believe it. Me, the sassy Eddie. I'm actually about to cry.'_ Eddie thinks, but he manages to sneeze. He manages to hold in his sneeze. _'Wow. I totally misjudged that one.'_

 _'Oh, look at him. I've never seen Peter look so happy before!'_ MJ thinks. _'Okay, that once, but he didn't know I was watching. What he won't know, won't kill him. And he looks so handsome. Oh, my God, if a woman with all my gifts is jealous of a gay man like Peter, I can't imagine what a woman like Gwen must be thinking.'_ She thinks to herself, now turning to look at Gwen.

 _'The wheels on the bus go round and round_  
 _round and round_  
 _round and round,_  
 _The wheels on the bus go round and round,  
all through the town .'_ Gwen sings in her head.

 _'Such a beautiful groom. Such a lovely church. Such a delightful moment.'_ May thinks, looking at Ben.

 _'Oh, my brother and his wife would be so proud of our little boy.'_ Ben thinks. _'I know they are looking down at Peter, smiling at him.'_

 _'Oh God! I'm about to breakdown and cry!'_ May thinks.

 _'No, no. Don't you dare cry yet, sweetheart.'_ Ben thinks, looking at May as if he read her mind.

 _'Oh, and there's Harry. God, he is so handsome. And he's so strong. I can't believe that he's right here with me.'_ Peter gushes in his thoughts. He looks directly towards Harry and says, _"Harry, you can probably hear every word I'm thinking."_ In his head.

 _"Yes, Petey, I can."_ He instantly replies, winking at Peter, as if he's read Peter's thoughts telepathically. Peter simply blushes and smiles.

 _'Remember, "ESP. " Energy! Smile! Personality!'_ The priest thinks to himself, walking up to the podium. _'They like me!'_ He thinks, before he opens his bible.

"Dearly beloved, we are assembled here in the sight of God and these witnesses to join this man and his soulmate, in matrimony, to marry them husband and husband, in both interest and destiny." He says.

 _'I can't believe it! I'm here. I'm actually standing here! I'm standing here and he's standing there.'_ He thinks to himself.

"-Instituted by God.."

 _'And I actually love him. I love the man so much. And not out of desperation. Peter Benjamin Parker, has finally conquered his desperation!'_

"Peter-"

"I do!" Peter says loudly and all the people in the church start laughing.

"Oh, what the heck. I do, too." Harry says, smiling like a total idiot. The entire church continues laughing.

 _'God, I love this man.'_ Peter thinks to himself as the laughter dies down.

"Hey, you two. You're not married until I say so!" The priest says and once again, all the people in the church start laughing.

 _'Big smile now. They love me. These people love me!'_ The priest thinks to himself, with a smile on his face.

"Peter and Harry, would you please join hands?" He asks the couple and they acquiesced.

"Harry, do you take this man to be your wedded husband? Do you promise to love, support and cherish him as long as you both shall live?"

"I do." Harry says, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"And Peter, do you take this man to be your wedded husband? Do you promise to love, support and cherish him as long as you both shall live?"

"I do." Peter says, voice cracking.

"Oh Ben!" Aunt May says, putting her head on his shoulder. He squeezes his wife's hand.

"May we have the ring, please?" The priest asks and Eddie gives the couple their rings.

"Repeat after me. With this ring I thee wed." The priest instructs.

"With this ring, I thee wed." Gwen recites. MJ, Eddie, Peter, Harry and the priest all look at her.

 _The farmer in the dell_  
 _The farmer in the dell_  
 _Hi-ho, the derry-o  
The farmer in the dell '_ Gwen rapidly sings in her mind.

"And I pledge my love and loyalty in the name of the Lord. Amen." The couple recites to each other.

"Then, unless anyone here has cause for objection By the power vested in me by God and the State of Florida, I now pronounce you husband and husband. Harry, you may kiss your man."

"I think I will." Harry says, leaning in to kiss Peter.

"Our baby is married, Ben. Our baby is a married man, Ben." Peter hears Aunt May say.

"I know, sweetie. I'm so proud of him." Ben says, hugging his wife.

 _'Oh, no. Of all the times for me to feel a sneeze coming on.'_ Eddie thinks to himself lifting his hand to his nose, but he actually starts crying. _'Well, I'll be damned.'_ He thinks and he starts bawling while the married couple march down the aisle together to the music.


	6. Another Candid Moment

**Back At Home, After The Reception**

"Peter, I want to tell you something, and this isn't easy for me to say." Eddie says waking into Peter's room.

"Not easy? For you? I must either be dreaming or we've officially entered The Twilight Zone." He says, packing his clothes in his suitcase.

"Only you, Pete."

"Please, Eddie. The day you stop speaking your mind, is the day that-"

"I'm not going." Eddie interrupts.

"What?"

"I'm not going with you, Tiger. I'm staying here with our girls."

"The girls?"

"Gwen, MJ, whatever they are. Anyway, we all discussed it after the wedding and, Tiger, they need me. We need each other."

"Ed. I need you. We've been attached to the hip since we were babies in pacifiers." He says, taking a seat next to his half-empty suitcase.

"No, you don't need me anymore."

"But-"

"No, Pete. You need to be married now. Alone. Frankly, I think I was in the way when you were with Max during those five years as a third wheel."

"Oh, no, you weren't." Peter says and Eddie smirks at him. "Ok. Yes, you were." Peter smiles.

"Pete, it's time for you to leave the nest, and I think I've given you the self-confidence to do that. I'm proud of you my cousin."

"I do want you to know that without you and MJ and Gwen, I never would have been ready to try." Peter says, feeling happier than he's ever been.

"There's something I want to tell you, Pete." Eddie says. "It's been my great privilege to be your friend as an adult. To spend our wild, crazy, years with you." He says, pulling out a box out of his blazer pocket.

"No, Eddie. It was my privilege. And something else." He reassures Eddie, standing up from his bed. "And that self-confidence, Eddie, is the greatest gift that you could have ever given me."

"Yeah, I agree. Yes. It's a magnificent gift." He says, putting the box back into his pocket. Peter sees Eddie put back the box and he simply shakes his head with a smirk on his face.

"Come here, you crazy ass, man whore." He says, hugging Eddie. "I'm gonna miss you."


	7. It's A Bittersweet Ending

"You got everything you need, my love?" Harry asks, coming back into the house after putting Peter's suitcase into his car.

"Yeah, I guess so. I'm just gonna go get a bottle of wine for us to drink on the way to the airport." Peter says, going into the kitchen.

"Oh, this is gonna be a great, fucking honeymoon. Just me, my Petey and Boone Jonas." Harry says dreamily.

"Who's Boone Jonas?" Gwen asks Harry.

"That's what we named it."

"Oh." MJ blushes.

"Well, I have our bottle of wine, Har-bear."

"You ready, Petey?"

"Ready, Boone." Peter says, rubbing his nose with Harry's.

"Petey, they know." Harry says.

"Oh. I-I'll be out in just a minute, Har."

"Okay. Well, take care of yourselves you guys." He says, moving towards them to give them a group hug. "We'll see you all soon."

"Bye, Harry." Gwen says.

"Have fun, and stay safe." MJ says voice thick with emotions.

"Stay safe and take care of each other. Don't forget to knock 'em dead!" Eddie tells Harry.

"I will." Harry tells them pulling away from the hug. "Take care." He says before leaving the house.

"Well." Peter sighs, swaying from side to side.

"Well." MJ says.

"Yeah." Gwen says.

"I guess this is it." Peter says with a small smile on his face, eyes tearing up.

"Right." Eddie says holding back his tears.

"Listen, Tiger." Gwen says. "You don't have to say anything. I mean, what can you say about ten years of fights and laughter-"

"Secrets." MJ says.

"Wine and cheesecake." Eddie says.

"Don't forget the endless sex stories!" MJ exclaims and Peter laughs.

"Just that it's been very- Well, it's been an experience that I'll always keep very close to my heart." Peter says, who's now crying. "And that these are memories that I'll wrap myself in when the world gets cold or feeling alone, and I forget that there are people who are warm and loving and-"

"We love you, too." Gwen says tearfully.

"Oh! I'll miss you." Eddie bawls.

"I'll miss you, more." Peter says and they all start sobbing when they all hug each other in a group hug.

"Just remember, Tiger, you'll will always be a part of us." MJ reminds him and he nods his head.

"Your friendship was something I never expected at this point in my life. And I could never have asked for a better surprise."

"That's how we feel, too Peter." MJ says.

"I have to go." He says, pulling away from the group hug.

"Pete, is this goodbye?" Gwen asks as Peter nods his head, giving them a bright smile.

"I love you guys, always and forever. And remember, don't let what your future significant others eclipse what you need. They might be dreamy, but they aren't the sun, you are." Peter says, exiting the house. Five seconds later, the door opens. "Oh, God, I love you so much!" Peter says, hugging them again.

"Oh, Peter! Oh, Peter! Oh, Peter. Peter." They all scream and sob.

"Listen, Harry is waiting." He says, walking towards the door. "You're angels. All of you." He says, before closing the door.

"Oh, God, I'm going to miss you so much!" Peter screams, coming in from the back door.

"Oh!" The other three exclaim.

"Peter! Peter!" Eddie sobs.

"Oh-Oh, listen, I-We have a flight to catch." He tells them, waking towards the front door. He opens the door and stands at the threshold with his hand on the doorknob. He turns back and looks directly towards the other three who are now looking at him. "You'll always be my family." He says, sobbing heavily. "Always." And with that, he closes the door. The other three look around to see if he'll enter through the windows, or the back door, but he doesn't. When they realize that he's truly gone, they all look at each other, and start breaking down in tears. They all hold each other and sob together.

"We'll be alright." Eddie says with his voice thick with tears. "We will be alright."


End file.
